Saturday, March 02, 2013

Today marks 6 months since my last goodbye to my mother. I have been dreading this milestone for weeks.

Fortunately, I read something this morning that completely changed my outlook for the day.

One of my favorite sites is Humans of New York. While catching up on some of the photographer's latest stories and images, I came across a photo of an elderly woman whose words gave me a much needed reminder:

When my husband was dying, I said: 'Moe, how am I supposed to live without you?' He told me: 'Take the love you have for me and spread it around.'"

I have six months of experience that proves that caring for and serving others is the only way to continue living after you feel your life has been taken away. Whenever I feel that existing another 10 minutes without my best friend is too much to bear, I force myself to stop wallowing in my misery and go help someone.

My mother showed me how to love and serve unconditionally. Sharing this gift makes me feel closer to her than anything else--close enough to feel strengthened to continue the journey of life.

Saturday, November 03, 2012


Two months ago today my best friend died. I have no idea how I'm managed to make it to November, but I'm so glad that I did. The view looks okay from here.

I miss her eye rolls, and our wordless conversations that sometimes turned into staring contests. I miss always knowing that she was in the study, waiting to greet me when I arrived home, and that I could  share ridiculously small news with her and it was considered important.

But I am sure that there will come a day when I will miss these things a little less because the memories from my time with her will supersede the longing to have those times back. I just wish that day would come a little sooner.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

In 2011, I

Was accepted into BYU as a student
Put deposit down for a dorm room shared with a delightful friend
Attended my brother's wedding to possibly the nicest young lady I know
Fulfilled my dream of ten years of performing in Les Miserables
Performed my duties as "head flower girl" at my best friend's wedding
Decided that my new brother-in-law is pretty great, even if I do tease him about his affinity for Germany nearly every time I see him
Graduated while my sister was on her honeymoon
Flew out to my second home town to visit my people and rediscovered how hilarious my uncle is and just how crazy smart and quirky my grandpa is
Went to Yellowstone for the first time in years
Found a snake in my basement and didn't scream
Dreamed about where I want to travel internationally over the next couple years
Spent more money in two months than I ever have before
Bought enough kitchen supplies to fill six boxes (I'll never need a wedding registry after this)
Packed up my tiny room to move into a slightly large one in the neighboring town
Met my roommates
Decided singles wards weren't terribly awful
Picked an exciting major that I have yet to officially declare
Learned how to REALLY study
Learned how to study in the law library where grad students don't try to flirt with you
Learned how to fit a key into a lock in the pitch black
Saw Lea Salonga in concert
Discovered that going to bed before midnight really isn't so bad (most the time)
Turned nineteen and forgot to continue my tradition of looking at the clock at exactly 9:59 AM
Met my niece for the very first time and felt a bond that only youngest girls can understand
Moved into the nicest on-campus housing available and subsequently discovered that I will feel comfortable entertaining guests next semester
Studied in the dean's office for a week straight
Survived finals
Worked my first 9-5 job
Realized this has easily been the happiest year of my life so far

Sunday, September 04, 2011

I used to spell it "collage"

College is fantastic. Moving out was a far better idea than I could have ever imagined 5 months ago when I first put down a deposit.

I've been attending classes for one week and think I may have found my major! At the tail end of my first Intro to Food Science class, the coordinator was showing the various course requirements the college has food science majors take. While I was terribly interested in the major, the amount of chemistry and math classes needed to graduate frightened me off. Just as the bell was ringing, he pulled up another slid and told us of a second option in the major that focused more on the business and management side of food science. I could not believe how excited I was as I rushed out of the classroom to Dad's office on the other side of the building.

Food industry management has a lot of what I do want (business, economics, nutrition, marketing) while cutting out some of the things that initially scared me away from food science (8 chemistry classes cut down to only 2). Also, it appears that I can get a minor in business simply by taking all the classes food science requires AND (according to my favorite professor) getting a BS in food science looks good on MBA admission applications. Degree-holding professionals are always in demand (29 of the 30 spring graduates from this major already have jobs) and BYU has a lot of connections set up with companies to allow their students internship opportunities.

Looking ahead to an MBA might be premature since I'll be struggling just to pass American Heritage this fall. However, I've always pictured myself going on to get a higher degree and these last couple days have filled me with excitement and even peace because I've found my education path. Now let's see how long it takes me to change my mind about my major after I've officially declared it.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Q: I wanna be a ________ when I grow up. A: College graduate.

I've been lying a lot. The general population's favorite question to ask me (besides "how are you?") is what I'm thinking of studying in college. Typically I joke that I have a list of 15 majors that I'm trying to narrow down and that they'll be the first to know when I declare my decision.


I counted up my list of majors and it's closer to 30 than it is to 15. See here:

Actuarial science
Communications- public relations or advertising
Computer science
Facility and property management
Family and consumer sciences education
Food science
Landscape management
Media arts studies
Music education
Nutritional science
Political science
Public health
Recreation management and youth leadership
School health education
Social science teaching
Sound recording technology
Visual arts
Wildlife and wild lands conservation

If I knock off one per week this summer, I'll only have to decide between 14 polar opposite fields. I think that should keep my free hours during the vacation months filled.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Today I accepted the friend request of a former neighbor. Any doubts I had about friending someone I haven't talked to in ten years were immediately put to rest when I scrolled through her profile page to find this gem:

I showed it to Momma, who told me that the reason the princesses were dressed like ugly step sisters is this:
"Their mother was not invited to the royal wedding and dressing her daughters like cartoon villains was her way of taking her revenge out on the event. "
I'm still a little confused by Momma's logic, but she does watch celebrity television shows on a regular basis, so I'll trust her thoughts in this area.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Franny Francis Baby Michelle. He also goes by Michael.

I love rediscovering Beatles songs. They have such a vast library of hits and you can easily forget some of the songs you like most for weeks on end. I think that's one of the reasons I love them so much.

Francis just left on a jet plane to go beach camping. I'm not sure how I'll fair without our morning singalongs in the car. Luckily, he only gets to spend the weekend with our nephews before returning back home and I'll be absent from home during most of that time. I think if I wasn't so busy the next few days I'd go crazy without my favorite friend.